T (USA), S (FR), L (FR), E (FR), J (CH), M (IT)
Birin Soi (Antonio), Rosita, Sick guy and wife and a few others that were sleeping in maloka.
Dose and time:
Just one cup. A fairly big shot but could swallow in one go. POWERFUL medicine. Ceremony start approx. 2100h, finish approx. 0200h. Stayed up till 0400 to listen to music and McKenna.
Have been doing many ceremonies here already with Antonio. Not much (pretty much nothing) happened so far. I have purged maybe once or twice but no vision and no intoxicated feeling. I would come back to my tambo and feel normal or would just fall asleep during ceremonies. I have really appreciated Antonio’s dedication to the ceremony work. He is like a machine, blasting a wall of sound straight into your face when he sings. It is almost too much haha. Very different than Don Luis in Iquitos for example who was a lot more gentle. Was thinking about him yesterday actually. When Stefan and Fabiana come to Peru, they probably go and cook at his place. Maybe I can do a dieta there. That would be nice, just after Joris’ visit. Ooooooh and I can see Costa again as well then!! Yeah :D. Great plan! Anyway, let’s continue the report of last night.
Started around 2100. There were two new bottles of medicine. I had watched during the day how another Antonio prepared it. He told me that instead of boiling it down to 1.5 litre he’d boil it down to 0.5 L. I was happy as a little kid during the day that strong stuff was in the making! It would sort of confirm my hypothesis that I have been having with ayahuasca for a long time: ‘if the journey is not very significant, potentially it has to do with a weak brew. Not always, sometimes you can block the process, but if it is a repeating pattern with the same brew it is too weak for sure.’ Others around here were also having mild to no journeys over the last days. I even stopped going to the ceremonies because nothing was happening, apart from a human Shipibo gettoblaster blowing me away with his wall of icaro sounds. You gotta give it to the man, he doesn’t stop. So funny, yesterday multiple times he would fall asleep while chanting to us. He sings super loud and to hear that volume knob gently go down as if his batteries were running flat, is absolutely hilarious during an ayahuasca ceremony. He would shock himself out of it multiple times and continue singing. Up and down, up and down. Hilarious. Dedicated to sing for each and every participant.
It only took 15-20 mins before something happened. Surprising, gratifying and shocking at the same time! Scared me a bit but also made me really happy. Something interesting was going to come!! Fastest onset I have ever had. Don’t remember when that ever happened before. Well maybe that one time in Assendelft at the first place we did the ceremonies, when I got really itchy feet and strong (uncomfortable) visions. First it was just like watching an HD screen with a flow of imagery. It was so much that it is hard to remember it specifically. There were these waves of energy and imagery flying in front of my eyes. Breathe taking. It ended with this weird creature drawing letters or symbols with blue worm like material. Hard to describe. Then that changed into actual worms which subsequently morphed into a lot of snakes. Never seen snakes before with the medicine. The imagery that I saw reminded me of the first DMT experience I had with a good friend, at his home. Also just strong visuals with no physiological effects. It was as if I could feel the DMT go to my brain, but this could be just because I have been reading the book ‘DMT: The Spirit Molecule’ by Rick Strassman.
I was then projected back into the DMT experience in Iquitos (See blog article: ‘Real Darkness’ versus Our Shadows). I saw again devilish energies, lot of obscurity. As if looking into the real reality of this world, where the darkness and negativity is a strong mode of control used over the general population. It became evident that this is the brujeria (witchcraft, or black magic) that is going on in the world, at the highest levels of society, by the oligarchy. Not so nice, but it didn’t last very long. It scared me initially because I got a fright that I would experience something just as terrifying and traumatizing again. I remembered what I have learnt in life, started concentrating on my breathing and brining in the light. It soon dissipated and not long after I had a very strong purge. Within a few seconds I got nausea and threw up. It felt like it was some more of that trauma. Then, I was bombarded with a never ending stream of visuals. Laughter, happiness, yes this is the experience of a connection with ayahuasca!! Such a huge smile on my face all night! Again there were too many visuals to remember even any of them, but it was something with nature, objects, machines, flying over rocks like in the Avatar movie. Didn’t see any fractals or sacred geometry this time, just clear images of ‘real’ things. Really like being in and IMAX theatre with the new 4000p resolution. I remember being overwhelmed by it. Laughing by the sheer intensity of the visuals. Being super grateful towards the other Antonio who brew this medicine. Actually remember now that when I drank, I could not only taste the additional plants in the brew, but also ‘feel’ them. Hard to explain. Again laughter. Oh yeah! Finally a real ayahuasca experience, and not the weak stuff I’ve been given so far.
Was enjoying Birin Soi’s chanting and his repeated ‘turning off’ and coming back to life. He must have chanted for an hour and a half to the sick guy (a patient who came in three days ago, who sounded like he was about to die, that’s how much he was in pain. Now he is already a lot better, amazing). Then he moved steadily to José and Miguel and came to sing for me. He asked me: “Que tal?” “Ooooh maestro!! Mucho major! Muchos visions, muchos enseñas, muchos procesos. Increible differente!!” He chanted for a while, it was less of a wall of sound this time. Enjoyed it. More calm and more sweet. Then when he was done, I was strongly hesitating to take another cup. The effect had gone down a bit, but was worries that if I’d drink more it would be too strong or last too long. I’ve learned this lesson already back home when at the end of the ceremony I felt the need to drink more. I ended up vomiting and processing nothingness for an hour while the rest of the group was already asleep. Pointless.
I tried to focus and connect with ayahuasca first, but the idea of another shot kept coming back. I went to look for a glass but couldn’t find one so decided to take a sip from the bottle. This almost felt ‘wrong’ for some reason, not sacred or something. Could let that go, as I know there are plenty of shamans that drink straight from the bottle. Had maybe half of what I had the first round. Within no time, again the darkness of the DMT smoking session came back (See blog article: ‘Real Darkness’ versus Our Shadows). Again the negative energies of that space, and my own shadows, manifested rapidly. I wondered how many more times this will come back in the future… Within 15 mins I had to throw up, uncontrollably. Felt the brew leave my stomach. Guess it was enough. Again while throwing up I couldn’t see anything. It was completely black around the bucket. This also happened during the first purge. I had to hold the bucket to know where to aim the vomit.
What followed was a lot of visions and insights about smoking, mainly of the future. I have been cigarette free since May 2014 but started again in Iquitos, the day before smoking DMT. I knew it was not a really good idea but told myself I’d just quit within a week again. That didn’t happen yet. Struggling the last days, since I decided to really quit on the 27th of April but started again two days ago. I saw a lifelong path of slavery to the weed. Pure addiction. It was so strong. I kept coughing up really nasty stuff. I think ayahuasca was helping me clean my lungs. I need to stop NOW, TODAY. I need to break the chain. Feel a strong draw again during the day today to smoke. It is such a sinister trap. I can’t go back to a life smoking cigarettes again. It is horrible and disgusting. The taste of ash, inhaling carcinogen smoke deliberately whilst knowing it is incredibly unhealthy. Truly one of the stronger programming issues I have had to deal with.
Then a strong hart opening feeling, I had to open my shirt. Felt the pinon colorado, felt the plant kingdom. Got really excited. Then got really distracted with all kind of sexual scenes between me and Fiona. I realized this and kept having to focus back onto the plant that I am dieting. Time and time again I was able to concentrate and focus. Started to feel more and more, as if something external was morphing with something inside of me. Really fascinating. The ayahuasca sessions are very supportive for the dieta process.
I then went to the loo, and outside realized how strong the intoxication of the medicine still was. Truly amazed again, just one cup and a little bit!! Never had such a strong journey with such little medicine. Had a wonderful solid poo (my digestion seems to be getting better here), walked outside and crashed straight into a tree!! Time to turn on the lights, lol. I stopped and looked around, marvelling at the sky. Sooooo many stars. These huge jungle plants around me. The energy of the ambiance was invigorating, such crisp clean air and so much life force around me. Took a few deep breaths and realized how grateful I was for that moment, for the whole night actually. It reminded me of the ceremonies with Paul Stefan and Fabiana back at home. They were of this intensity, of this strength and depth. I sat down on a bench, watched the brightly lit new moon rise on the horizon and sang ‘Espiritu de dios’ gently to madre naturaleza. After being attacked by 20 mosquitos it was time to retreat to my tambo and chill for a while. Listened to Terrence McKenna while falling asleep. What a magickal night. I feel so happy today, so grounded, so connected. All of my doubt about being here with Antonio Velasquez are gone. I talked with him today a bit. He said, ‘you wanted strong medicine right? Here you go!’ Sí maestro, muy bueno!
Beautiful teachings. Excited about subsequent ceremonies. The draw to go back to Pucallpa to find a different place to do dieta and ceremonies completely dissipated. I will still go and do a dieta I think with Antonio and Alejandrina, the contacts that I have in town. Just to see how the work with them is. Maybe open a one month dieta there to just see how that goes. I’ve got time. Looking forward to completing my diet with this plant, great first start. Tonight and tomorrow I believe I will be taking the last two glasses of pinon colorado.
(Just heard it is ceremony time again tonight!)