An empty sheet of paper, a busy mind. Future, past, present. What does it all mean? What I would like for you to experience, while reading this section, is to see the world through my filters. I then realize that this is an impossible challenge, since you and me have lived completely different lives and thus created our unique filters.
What is reality? Do we have any influence on it, at all? Are we maybe more in control than anyone dares to admit? Why are we here? What is the meaning of it all? Who are you? Are you your body? Are you your identity, your ego, your emotions, your thoughts? Where is this all going? How do I want to contribute to the world? What makes me happy? What is my purpose? Is there even such a thing as free will, or is even that concept an interpretation of the human mind? Do I have a soul? Why are there so many ancient teachings that talk about perspective that I cannot grasp with my reductionist, materialistic, scientific view? Isn’t science the answer to everything? These are questions that have occupied my mind for the last years. They have resulted in a quest through life, ranging from travelling the world in search for meaning, for understanding, for freedom to deep inner journeys to find the answers within. I’ve found both extremely powerful quests. The latter is where I am now. Slowly, the path is becoming clearer and clearer. I can see new dreams unfold, right before my eyes. Life is magickal and mystical.
One of my power animals – a White Lion. White animals are our principal guides and are with us all of our lives.
It hasn’t always been this way though…. As long as I can remember, I was against everything. No was the first answer you would hear from me. Easily agitated, frustrated and angry as a child. Later in life this turned into deep depressions with suicidal tendencies. As a teenager I would regularly find myself sitting next to the railway tracks, trying to gather courage to jump. I was (fortunately) too chicken. In those years I’ve developed a range of protective mechanisms. Drugs, pornography and isolation seemed the most effective tools to escape. That is what got me to where I am now. The acceptance of myself as I am, who I truly am deep inside. I’ve come to realize that I am actually not my body, I am not my thoughts, I am not my emotions, I am not my history and I am not my future. Largely intellectual, this knowledge is slowly creeping deeper into my various levels of being.
The drive to feel free, to be happy, to release whatever there is that I don’t need anymore, guided me to the inner peace I feel today. Here is a short summary of the activities that brought me here:
- Peer groups. Starting, organizing and hosting several man circles for over 4 years
- Personal coaching by Social Excellence in Amsterdam, 1 year program
- Personal leadership training, Amethist Developing People in Amersfoort
- Unleash the Power Within, Anthony Robbins
- Understanding of the magick world around is. Archaic views on life.
- Several 10 day Vipassana retreats
- Nutritional research and diets
- Working with sacred plants: Ayahuasca, Santa Maria, Iboga, Changa, Peyote, Mushrooms. A total of 15 years of experience
- Variety of workshops, spiritual and personal development
My dream is to help others gain more insight in themselves. To help them find their own way on the path of self-healing. I’ve learned that nobody can truly help me. I can only help myself. I can only observe the external reality, to time and time again realize that it is nothing more than the depiction of my present day state of filters and conditioning.
They journey has been amazing. I am happy to have the honour to share some of it with the world. I hope it may serve you just as much or more, as it has served me. AHO